I'm going to write a really quick, really controversial post before W goes on a trip (and while he watches 60 minutes with Haidan babe). If you don't agree with my choices, I understand, but if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all (Please and thank you).
Four years ago on my 20th birthday I celebrated by going out for dinner with all my closest girlfriends, where I had 5 billinis with double shots etc etc you know the story. A few weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. As you can imagine, this was a HUGE surprise because I had just moved home and had decided to start a fresh new life without my ex. Here I was with his baby, stuck between a rock and a hard place. The very long story short I had to make a decision:
Live with a baby with a person that was emotionally (and border line physically) abusive, who I knew deep down wasn't good for me (or for that baby), with $10 000 of student debt, not done my college diploma yet, not a job in sight, and living with my mother in her spare bedroom on a pull out couch.
OR
Do the unthinkable and terminate my pregnancy.
You may or may not know that I come from a family of teachers, I have loved children my whole life, I never thought that I would be put in a situation like that, and never thought I would have made the choice I did. But I did. The end.
Every now and then I think about what my life would have been like. Living with a person who was toxic, with no job or income in our family, miserable because we were stuck in a relationship that I/we didn't want to be in, with a 4 year old (now). WHO knows what really would have happened but every day that I have a hard day with Haidan I thank my brain and heart for being strong and making the choice I did. I am thankful that I am able to make that choice legally, and that it was an easy process (in the grand scheme of things anyways) (by no means am I saying that it was easy physically or mentally, please understand that it is THE hardest thing that I have and will ever have to do), and that I have a happy healthy relationship with the most amazing man alive.
I know now that my relationship with my parents would not be what it is now. I know that I would have probably slipped easily into depression and would not have been as great of a mom as I would have needed to be. I would not have had the amazing job opportunities that I have had. I would not have met the man of my dreams. I would not live where I'm living. I would not be as happy as I am. I would be resentful and miserable.
Yes it wasn't an ideal situation, I believe I am a stronger person because of it.
The point of this post is to be honest and open about my past. When I complain about how hard things can be with Haidan, there is always the thought in my mind about HOW MUCH harder it could have been. I am not always proud of my decision but now I know, more than ever, that it absolutely was the right decision for me to make at that point in my life. I don't want to seem like I am trying to influence anyone's decisions, that isn't my intention at all. I just wanted to share how thankful I am to have the life I do.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Momma Bear's Goals (strictly personal)
Here it is friends, I have defined and refined my goals. I've been struggling feeling like I'm getting my shit together... I guess that's life with a baby though. Do you ever really feel like your shit is together? Ducks in any kind of line? Meh I'm kinda over ever feeling like that because I've realized that it will come one day and on that day, I will look in the mirror (or maybe at W, to feel a little less crazy) and LAUGH.
I wrote some goals when I was pregnant, for myself, for my family, etc. And I have had only one amazing friend (Thanks miss Tara Prue) actually hold me accountable! Where is my support team? It's ok, I forgive y'all, I know life gets in the way sometimes and before you know it it's been four months! YIKES right?! Here are my new goals, short sweet and simple.
I wrote some goals when I was pregnant, for myself, for my family, etc. And I have had only one amazing friend (Thanks miss Tara Prue) actually hold me accountable! Where is my support team? It's ok, I forgive y'all, I know life gets in the way sometimes and before you know it it's been four months! YIKES right?! Here are my new goals, short sweet and simple.
- 20 minutes of cardio (elliptical or treadmill up hill) every morning with ab work.
- 20 minute of cardio (eppiptical or treadmill up hill) every evening with Jaime Eason's 12 week body building program (Finished Novemeber 26th)
- Clean eating (90% paleo)
- Massage once every 2 weeks (or maybe once a month... depends on how I feel)
- Mani/Pedi once a month
- Date night with Wayne once a week (dinner and a movie?)
My goal is to fit into my $10 goal jeans by November 26th, I would like to be at my goal weight by then too but I'm not sure if it's realistic... hmm
Pics to follow, my phone is acting up....
I love and appriciate all the support and encouragement xo
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Parenting 101- As if I know anything?
Well friends let me start by telling you I'm sitting on the lap top in the living room in the pitch black (except the stove light on) with Haidan babe in the snugli (baby carrier) AND swing, sleeping peacefully.
This is my parenting post. By my own experience, so I'd like to quote my La Leche League meeting leaders by saying "take what you want from what other people are saying, if you don't agree or think something is wrong in the, that is totally fine, leave it at the door" (or in this case, close the window).
Parenting is by far, bar-none, winning the gold medal at being the hardest, most challenging, testing, amazing, beautiful, fun thing I have EVER done in my entire life. Having had gone to school for Early Childhood Education and working in the daycare field for more than 3 years prior to having Haidan, there are many many things I said I would never do that I am currently doing (and loving). Before I explain, let me start by giving my number one parenting tip.... Ready? Here it is...
Read all the books you want during pregnancy, I'm talkin those little cute magazines, the parenting Canada magazines, "What to expect when you're expecting", the whole she-bang... Once you've read them (and tired to get your partner to read them, or even tid-bits of them) GET RID OF THEM! Donate those bitches, pass them on to your friends, put them in a box in the basement/storage unit whatever... just get them the eff out of your face because as soon as that baby is born you'll feel like your brain has gone to mush and you won't want to have to look up in some stupid book "BAH what do I do when..." If you've read the books you want from cover to cover (and been able to retain some of the very boring information) you should have ingrained in your brain the important stuff that you want/need to remember. EVEN having read about a million pages of Early Childhood books in school I still sometimes feel like I don't have a clue at what I'm doing. It's OK! I have remembered the things I wanted to remember, and use what I wanted to use from each book. Some books I read I thought to myself "Wow I'm going to totally do this, I love this way of parenting, yeah lets have no plastic toys, oh man I'm totally going to pump every day and have a million bags of breast milk stored so that I can work out whenever I need to, ohh yeaaah I'm going to breastfeed on demand, E.A.S.Y yes that's the routine I'll follow from day one." Crock. Of. Shit my friends. Read, and decide on the type of parent you envision yourself becoming (and talk this over with your partner) and forget the rest. Because quite frankly there is a damn book for EVERYTHING. Now I don't know about y'all but I can be easily influenced by what other people say, ie books... so the book that I read that said to follow the "E.A.S.Y" routine (Eat, activity, sleep, you (mommy) time) I had decided that was what I was totally 100% going to do. I still to this day am trying to get Haidan consistantly on that routine but sometimes the kid just wants to nurse to sleep and that is damn fine by me... one day I'll get it, and so will he.
Any ways, on to the things I never thought I would do...
1. Give my baby a soother. I always said -I mean always since I was old enough to understand that I never got a soother and that no kid should ever have a "plug" in their mouth- that I would never give my poor little baby a soother. Why would you need to give them a soother? They only cry to tell you they need something? Don't you knoooow that if you give your baby a soother they will never talk to you? Don't you know that they need to learn to use their voice?
You know what, when you've had your teet sucked on for two hours and nothing else will sooth him... guess what he gets. A SOOTHER! The day I decided that W might be right on this one, I grabbed the first soother in our stack of supplies, stuck the thing in his mouth, and away we went. I believe my first words were "Haidan I don't like you with this soother, but I still love you". He doesn't take it that much any more, I think because his bottle (given when I am away working out etc.) and my nipple are shaped nothing like the soother, so for now that's fine. Eventually we might need to find something, but mark my words he will not be one of those kids that is 2+ years old with a soother... (I hope)
2. Co-sleep with my infant. HOW on earth could you sleep with your child and put their poor little life in your sleep-less hands?! How could you take the chance of rolling over your baby and loosing the little life you created? Why not just develop a routine from the start to help you all?
Low and behold here we are, a big ol family in the same queen size bed (trust me, I'm pushing for a king). I blame it on the hospital, I was roomed with a woman who had a c-section and needed to call the nurse every time her baby screamed (if you've read my birth story I believe that I've mentioned this... the baby cried what seemed like every damn hour while my lovely little Haidan slept like a champ). I was worried Haidan would wake up that often too, so I brought him into bed with me and nursed him when I needed to and slept with him on a pillow beside me when I was pretending to sleep.
From that day on I have had Haidan sleeping next to me or on top of me. For the first little while I spent some nights on the couch with a camp set up, foot stool near my head so that if Haidan rolled he wouldn't be on the floor, just the right pillows, blanket, water, phone, burp cloth etc. I tried a few nights to wake up, feed, then put Haidan in his crib directly next to our bed (even at the same level) but with his little noises and movements I was just a wreck and wasn't actually sleeping. So now we sleep with the crib beside us and a blanket over the railing, Haidan, me, then W. I get such great sleeps that sometimes I even have vivid dreams, I sleep on my side and feed/nurse most of the time but sometimes I wake on my back (which means I am having a great sleep!), and Haidan gets sweaty some nights because we're so cosy together.
I know that co-sleeping is very controversial because some people are like I was before having kids, and I 100% understand where they are coming from and some times I do fear that something bad will happen. I believe in myself and my sense of self/Haidan babe and his needs, and I believe that if I can get a great sleep and feel rested and energetic and function the next day, that is BY FAR the most important thing. I dread the day W suggests we move Haidan into his crib, or for some other reason we decide to start the transition... but I know it will come before I want it. I would love to have a king sized bed on the floor that we sleep in until Haidan decides he's had enough, but I don't think that's realistic for now.
3. Diapers. I had a brief time that I really wanted to use cloth diapers and be a super green mom... but decided that even thought it would be great (and I might still try it out some day) I'd still be using lots of water to wash those damn diapers, and I have enough laundry to do with all of the clothes W puts out in a day. I really do commend the parents that go cloth, but for me right now... Nah.
One last side note of parenting. Being a parent is nuts... especially a mother. I can remember in the last months of pregnancy thinking that W was like a god. I was so impressed and smitten with him I thought I was going crazy. (Note: I still think he's absolutely amazing but I'm talkin weird shit here...) I would just hold his soft-skinned-arm and smell his sweet man-skin and think I was in heaven. It's weird right?
In the hospital I remember being a little bit sad as I stared at W in the waiting room before the labour room. I was sad that it would never again be "just the two of us" and worried that our relationship would change for the worse. We've been together three years now and that's not very long for new parents. Times get really stressful and sometimes I do feel a bit crazy, but luckily he is one VERY amazing man.
After Haidan was born and parenting became real life, I can remember thinking W was so amazing and fabulous and... I don't even have words for how surprised and smitten I was with him taking on this new parent role. He didn't read a damn book but is still so helpful, if he has a question he figures it out. In the two weeks that he spent at home with Haidan and I he really stepped up as a parent and partner, he brought me breakfast in bed, lunch in my feeding chair, and dinner wherever I ended up at that time. He brought home flowers and plants and walked the dog (if he didn't the darn thing would surely be dead by now with this heat), he did the laundry, cleaned, did dishes, cared for me and every night reminded me that I'm doing a great job and being a great mommy. Sometimes he was so great and just reminded me of why I feel in love with him in the first place that I would actually cry, cry tears of "oh-my-goodness-I'm-the-luckiest-girl-in-the-world" tears.
He's back at work now so things are different, even though I sometimes find myself amazed at how silly he's being and I have to remind him that Haidan is only just now 3 months old (he won't be walking or throwin balls and day soon), I still am so incredibly greatful to have him as my partner in crime. Hormones are a bitch and I can be a big one, I know that, and I admit when I am wrong... God bless his soul for putting up with my madness and loving me so much through thick and thin.
This is my parenting post. By my own experience, so I'd like to quote my La Leche League meeting leaders by saying "take what you want from what other people are saying, if you don't agree or think something is wrong in the, that is totally fine, leave it at the door" (or in this case, close the window).
Parenting is by far, bar-none, winning the gold medal at being the hardest, most challenging, testing, amazing, beautiful, fun thing I have EVER done in my entire life. Having had gone to school for Early Childhood Education and working in the daycare field for more than 3 years prior to having Haidan, there are many many things I said I would never do that I am currently doing (and loving). Before I explain, let me start by giving my number one parenting tip.... Ready? Here it is...
Read all the books you want during pregnancy, I'm talkin those little cute magazines, the parenting Canada magazines, "What to expect when you're expecting", the whole she-bang... Once you've read them (and tired to get your partner to read them, or even tid-bits of them) GET RID OF THEM! Donate those bitches, pass them on to your friends, put them in a box in the basement/storage unit whatever... just get them the eff out of your face because as soon as that baby is born you'll feel like your brain has gone to mush and you won't want to have to look up in some stupid book "BAH what do I do when..." If you've read the books you want from cover to cover (and been able to retain some of the very boring information) you should have ingrained in your brain the important stuff that you want/need to remember. EVEN having read about a million pages of Early Childhood books in school I still sometimes feel like I don't have a clue at what I'm doing. It's OK! I have remembered the things I wanted to remember, and use what I wanted to use from each book. Some books I read I thought to myself "Wow I'm going to totally do this, I love this way of parenting, yeah lets have no plastic toys, oh man I'm totally going to pump every day and have a million bags of breast milk stored so that I can work out whenever I need to, ohh yeaaah I'm going to breastfeed on demand, E.A.S.Y yes that's the routine I'll follow from day one." Crock. Of. Shit my friends. Read, and decide on the type of parent you envision yourself becoming (and talk this over with your partner) and forget the rest. Because quite frankly there is a damn book for EVERYTHING. Now I don't know about y'all but I can be easily influenced by what other people say, ie books... so the book that I read that said to follow the "E.A.S.Y" routine (Eat, activity, sleep, you (mommy) time) I had decided that was what I was totally 100% going to do. I still to this day am trying to get Haidan consistantly on that routine but sometimes the kid just wants to nurse to sleep and that is damn fine by me... one day I'll get it, and so will he.
Any ways, on to the things I never thought I would do...
1. Give my baby a soother. I always said -I mean always since I was old enough to understand that I never got a soother and that no kid should ever have a "plug" in their mouth- that I would never give my poor little baby a soother. Why would you need to give them a soother? They only cry to tell you they need something? Don't you knoooow that if you give your baby a soother they will never talk to you? Don't you know that they need to learn to use their voice?
You know what, when you've had your teet sucked on for two hours and nothing else will sooth him... guess what he gets. A SOOTHER! The day I decided that W might be right on this one, I grabbed the first soother in our stack of supplies, stuck the thing in his mouth, and away we went. I believe my first words were "Haidan I don't like you with this soother, but I still love you". He doesn't take it that much any more, I think because his bottle (given when I am away working out etc.) and my nipple are shaped nothing like the soother, so for now that's fine. Eventually we might need to find something, but mark my words he will not be one of those kids that is 2+ years old with a soother... (I hope)
2. Co-sleep with my infant. HOW on earth could you sleep with your child and put their poor little life in your sleep-less hands?! How could you take the chance of rolling over your baby and loosing the little life you created? Why not just develop a routine from the start to help you all?
Low and behold here we are, a big ol family in the same queen size bed (trust me, I'm pushing for a king). I blame it on the hospital, I was roomed with a woman who had a c-section and needed to call the nurse every time her baby screamed (if you've read my birth story I believe that I've mentioned this... the baby cried what seemed like every damn hour while my lovely little Haidan slept like a champ). I was worried Haidan would wake up that often too, so I brought him into bed with me and nursed him when I needed to and slept with him on a pillow beside me when I was pretending to sleep.
From that day on I have had Haidan sleeping next to me or on top of me. For the first little while I spent some nights on the couch with a camp set up, foot stool near my head so that if Haidan rolled he wouldn't be on the floor, just the right pillows, blanket, water, phone, burp cloth etc. I tried a few nights to wake up, feed, then put Haidan in his crib directly next to our bed (even at the same level) but with his little noises and movements I was just a wreck and wasn't actually sleeping. So now we sleep with the crib beside us and a blanket over the railing, Haidan, me, then W. I get such great sleeps that sometimes I even have vivid dreams, I sleep on my side and feed/nurse most of the time but sometimes I wake on my back (which means I am having a great sleep!), and Haidan gets sweaty some nights because we're so cosy together.
I know that co-sleeping is very controversial because some people are like I was before having kids, and I 100% understand where they are coming from and some times I do fear that something bad will happen. I believe in myself and my sense of self/Haidan babe and his needs, and I believe that if I can get a great sleep and feel rested and energetic and function the next day, that is BY FAR the most important thing. I dread the day W suggests we move Haidan into his crib, or for some other reason we decide to start the transition... but I know it will come before I want it. I would love to have a king sized bed on the floor that we sleep in until Haidan decides he's had enough, but I don't think that's realistic for now.
3. Diapers. I had a brief time that I really wanted to use cloth diapers and be a super green mom... but decided that even thought it would be great (and I might still try it out some day) I'd still be using lots of water to wash those damn diapers, and I have enough laundry to do with all of the clothes W puts out in a day. I really do commend the parents that go cloth, but for me right now... Nah.
One last side note of parenting. Being a parent is nuts... especially a mother. I can remember in the last months of pregnancy thinking that W was like a god. I was so impressed and smitten with him I thought I was going crazy. (Note: I still think he's absolutely amazing but I'm talkin weird shit here...) I would just hold his soft-skinned-arm and smell his sweet man-skin and think I was in heaven. It's weird right?
In the hospital I remember being a little bit sad as I stared at W in the waiting room before the labour room. I was sad that it would never again be "just the two of us" and worried that our relationship would change for the worse. We've been together three years now and that's not very long for new parents. Times get really stressful and sometimes I do feel a bit crazy, but luckily he is one VERY amazing man.
After Haidan was born and parenting became real life, I can remember thinking W was so amazing and fabulous and... I don't even have words for how surprised and smitten I was with him taking on this new parent role. He didn't read a damn book but is still so helpful, if he has a question he figures it out. In the two weeks that he spent at home with Haidan and I he really stepped up as a parent and partner, he brought me breakfast in bed, lunch in my feeding chair, and dinner wherever I ended up at that time. He brought home flowers and plants and walked the dog (if he didn't the darn thing would surely be dead by now with this heat), he did the laundry, cleaned, did dishes, cared for me and every night reminded me that I'm doing a great job and being a great mommy. Sometimes he was so great and just reminded me of why I feel in love with him in the first place that I would actually cry, cry tears of "oh-my-goodness-I'm-the-luckiest-girl-in-the-world" tears.
He's back at work now so things are different, even though I sometimes find myself amazed at how silly he's being and I have to remind him that Haidan is only just now 3 months old (he won't be walking or throwin balls and day soon), I still am so incredibly greatful to have him as my partner in crime. Hormones are a bitch and I can be a big one, I know that, and I admit when I am wrong... God bless his soul for putting up with my madness and loving me so much through thick and thin.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Mommy and Haidan's first Road-trip!!!
Wednesday July 11th (also Haidan's two month birthday!! INSANE right?) we drove all the way (3 hours) to Peterborough to visit my Grandparents and Gramma, Haidan's Great-Grandparents. I was super excited because he is the first Great-Grandchild on both sides of my family (even though I'm the youngest on both sides... hmm?) and this is the first time all of them will see him in real life form!
Haidan's two month comparison. This was his first onesie after his first bath at about 14hrs old...and 2 months old
Happy Two Month Birthday Bubba!
The trip usually takes 3-3.5 hours and on the way there we had a great drive! Haidan slept 2hrs then we stopped for an hour to feed and stretch, then continued on our way. Total drive time = 4hrs. This shot is in the car at our first stop. Happy little clam!
First time meeting Grannie (my moms mom)
Haidan and his Great Grandpa. He really loved the new face and voice!
Standing for GG
Our first night was a huge success. I wish I could take this bed home with me! We both slept soo well, Haidan even slept on his own in the bed for an hour after I woke up!!! Isn't this a cute shot!
Then Haidan met my Gramma (my dads mom)
I think he likes how old people decorate, lots of shit on the walls and wall paper etc. Great stuff to examine!
Looks like he has a mohawk! Just a little babe in a biiig bed.
On our way home was a complete disaster. To make a really long, upsetting story short... Haidan cried every hour and screamed and we had to stop and it took 6hrs to get home. I've never heard a shrill cry so god aweful and it made me cry too :(
I give myself credit for trying a solo car trip, but must admit that I wont be trying it again any time soon!
On our way home was a complete disaster. To make a really long, upsetting story short... Haidan cried every hour and screamed and we had to stop and it took 6hrs to get home. I've never heard a shrill cry so god aweful and it made me cry too :(
I give myself credit for trying a solo car trip, but must admit that I wont be trying it again any time soon!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Body Image...dun dun duunnn
A woman's body is one really amazing thing. Weather it be big or small, short or tall, all (or most) of these amazing bodies can make a human being from scratch. Bones, eyes, lungs, brains, skin, finger nails, HAIR?! All from something in our body, how freakin cool is that?
I give my body credit for making one super-cute-adorable-squishy-delicious baby, but a girl can want more right? When I found out I was pregnant I also found out that I was 10lbs heavier than I've ever been in my life... then I gained 40lbs. HA... great right? So that's 50lbs that I would like to loose... good friggin luck kid, goooood luck! Here are some pictures from how my big ol body has changed since having Haidan...
I think the hardest part about body image post pregnancy is that if I had gained weight from eating too many delicious treats, I would say "Ok fatty let's get our big butt to the gym NOW!" but with a newborn baby and seemingly no time on your hands it's hard to actually get to the gym (weather it be in your building or not).(I'm 24 gosh-darnit, I'm not ready to let myself go!!!) It's been pretty hard for me to accept that it's ok that I don't go to the gym every day, and that when I do get to go I need to make the best of it and kick ass (mine). I wish I could say the pounds just melted off with breastfeeding, but I think that because my body is producing hormones to fatten this baby up, that maybe I'm not droppin the lbs as quickly. Does that mean I will stop breastfeeding? No, because then I would feel SUPER selfish. Am I happy with how my body looks? No, but that will take time and the more pressure I put on myself the less gets done. That being said I try my darndest to stay positive but it's hard, I've never felt so incredibly gross in my own skin and I'm funny because I don't care about what other people think, but I care what I think other people think... does that even make sense? NO!
I have accepted that I won't be wearing a bathing suit in public, that I need to workout as much as motherly possible (because being a mother and being a human is DIFFERENT I sware!), and that it will take time. Time damnit, it sucks!
I will say, I have bought my first pair of "goal" jeans. They're size 11 from Bluenotes (the teenie-bopper store that I love) and I would like to fit into them by fall. They're super cute and I'm excited for the day I can get them past my knees! HA I also measured myself July 1st and intend to measure on the first of every month to compare the differences instead of using the ol scale... Wish me luck.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Haidan Hylarides' Birth Story- May 11th 2012 the best day of my life!
It's taken exactly 1 month and 9 days for me to have a chance to sit at the computer and think. Think then type (with one hand while nursing I might add). Better late than never right? Here is the official birth story (with the aid of the notes I took on my phone while in the hospital) of the new man in my life.
Introducing Haidan Berry Hylarides:
Now, where I left off in my previous post. It was 5pm Thursday May 10th, I hadn't been able to sleep/rest at all that day because I knew there was too much that needed to be done. My day started at 7am. By 8pm I knew it was contraction time and that I should record/time them as best possible. Being a new-age kinda gal I downloaded a "contraction counter" app, but the contractions were so close together and so hard to distinguish that I soon gave up. By 10pm I knew I needed to make a decision: 1. wait until the contractions were unbearable, 2. wait for the "gush" of water breaking, or 3. go to the hospital and figure my shit out. We went with option number 3 and in the 15 minute car ride I had 3 contractions, in the parking lot I had 3 more, and walking to the labour ward I had 2 more to make it clear I had made the right decision. We were put into a room to get monitored and measured and then we played the waiting game...
Patiently waiting through contractions
Our last "just the two of us" photo. weird
daddy keeping busy
11pm rolled around and the residents suggested I go for a walk around the halls of the hospital. They obviously weren't reading my blog, because they would have known how hard it was for me to move around let alone walk the last couple weeks. Paired with some lovely contractions, my lower back/hip pain was eventually unbearable. I walked for an hour and had two really strong contractions before giving up hope on a "natural" child birth. (side note: people say "natural" child birth and mean no epidural, I think they're just silly... child birth of any sort is natural? It is after all what our bodies were made for!) I believe I mentioned something about "This kid just might be an only child after all" to W as I breath through contractions, all I could think to say or do while trying to exhale is "ok, ok, okkkkk, ooookkkkk, ok ok ok... ok its done" which W found quite funny to listen to.We were put into a birth room which was nice and big at around 1am, OFFICIALLY May 11th 2012! I was still about 4cam dilated at this point and my new best friend with the epidural was on his way to making me the happiest mommy-to-be. As he did his business in my back I had 3 more rough contractions that were more intense than the last, in part because I had to stay super still (or go paralized thanks to mr. man putting needles in my back).
It was 2am and I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I was 7-8cm dilated, had a completely numb right leg and a mostly numb left leg and some serious numb bum tingly action happening. At 5:45am I am fully dilated and ready to push this baby out! Time to wait for the "urge-to-poo/ pressure-down-there" contractions and giver! I push every contraction, three pushes for 10 seconds each (I felt no pain and the pushing was great!) and am told that I have two hours to push this monster out before they need to use a vacuum/forceps. As I push I'm told that little bean has his face side ways instead of down (the easiest way to push out a human head is when it's faced down) so I lay on my left, then my right, then on all fours until he's finally ready.
Shit got real. fast. W watched as a little head and body came into the world exactly at 7am on that Friday morning (May 11th 2012), and he was placed on my chest. I'd love to say that I was in tears and so was W... but I think I was in such shock as to how easy and painless the whole thing was that all I could say was "Hello little man, I'm your momma and here's your daddy". The nurse took him away to get cleaned and measured so W took pictures, it wasn't until I saw W holding him in the rocking chair that I burst into tears. His first moment being a Daddy and I could see the tears in his eyes. What an amazing thing to experience right? Haidan weighed in exactly at 7pounds and 48cm long (about 19 inches) and being the goof that I am I said to the nurse "WOW that was great! I could do that again!" It was appropriately a beautiful sunny day, to welcome the newest member of our family 9 days early.
We had a lovely visit from Grandma Hylarides while I got to have a warm shower, then learned the tricks of breastfeeding for the first time (the start of a long haul down the breastfeeding road). We were moved into a recovery room (which was a shared room with another new mommy) and it was a lot smaller than I expected. The woman we shared a room with had just had her 3rd child via c-section and her baby cried (ie screamed) every 2 hours... all night long. Let me just leave that story at: she was a loud baby while Haidan slept the whole time, she had 100 visitors that were loud and intruding, and I was NOT impressed with her at all.
That Friday W learned how to bathe, change and taco wrap Haidan. I video taped his first bath of course, we saw the on site paediatrician who gave us some information about little Haidans balls that hadn't dropped (we have 6-8 months for them to drop and then we have to worry if they haven't arrived) and changed his diaper again. This time he pooped mid-change and peed in his eye and all over his nice clean little body, that was a fun little accident!
His first outfit (as I look at these pictures I can't BELIEVE how much he's changed already!)
That night W went home to deal with our furr child Bossy and Haidan and I set in for our first night together, I didn't know how I could possibly sleep with such a new and exciting little human being in my care. I called for help a few times in the night for some help breastfeeding and was shown different positions each time. I couldn't allow my little wonder child to sleep in the plastic tupperware container they put in the recovery room so I spent the night sleeping with him on a pillow beside me (probably not recommended but tooo darn bad!).
Saturday morning I got a little wake up call (not in the literal sense) by the morning nurse that came to check when Haidan fed and was changed last... I forgot to change his diaper in the night and said "Oh I guess we forgot" (not even noticing that I said "we") and the nurse said "OH honey there is no "we" this is YOUR responsibility now, YOU are in charge and have to make sure you do these things"... OOPS that'll be the last time I ever forget to change a diaper in the middle of the night!
By lunch time the nurse had given us the A-OK for us to leave, so we had a few discharge papers and Haidan had a hearing test to take and we were out of that hospital and home by 4pm. Saturday May 12th was my mom's birthday so we celebrated with a home made meal from W's mom... a love dinner with new parents and newest grandma's!
Our first family photo... I'm so in love with this picture!
First day home, looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, but it goes away girls it goes away :)
So bundled up :)
Sleeping baby, sleeping daddy at our first doctors appointment
SO little and cute omg the yellow socks kill me!
Shhhh baby sleeping (and mommy too!)
This is where I'll stop because it's taken me FAR too long to write and finish this story off, next time I get a chance I will be writing about my experiences with a new born, breastfeeding, the things they don't tell you about labor (from my point of view), and all things parent-hood that I TOTALLY didn't expect out of myself or W either!
Thanks for reading and waiting ever so patiently!
xo
Introducing Haidan Berry Hylarides:
Now, where I left off in my previous post. It was 5pm Thursday May 10th, I hadn't been able to sleep/rest at all that day because I knew there was too much that needed to be done. My day started at 7am. By 8pm I knew it was contraction time and that I should record/time them as best possible. Being a new-age kinda gal I downloaded a "contraction counter" app, but the contractions were so close together and so hard to distinguish that I soon gave up. By 10pm I knew I needed to make a decision: 1. wait until the contractions were unbearable, 2. wait for the "gush" of water breaking, or 3. go to the hospital and figure my shit out. We went with option number 3 and in the 15 minute car ride I had 3 contractions, in the parking lot I had 3 more, and walking to the labour ward I had 2 more to make it clear I had made the right decision. We were put into a room to get monitored and measured and then we played the waiting game...
11pm rolled around and the residents suggested I go for a walk around the halls of the hospital. They obviously weren't reading my blog, because they would have known how hard it was for me to move around let alone walk the last couple weeks. Paired with some lovely contractions, my lower back/hip pain was eventually unbearable. I walked for an hour and had two really strong contractions before giving up hope on a "natural" child birth. (side note: people say "natural" child birth and mean no epidural, I think they're just silly... child birth of any sort is natural? It is after all what our bodies were made for!) I believe I mentioned something about "This kid just might be an only child after all" to W as I breath through contractions, all I could think to say or do while trying to exhale is "ok, ok, okkkkk, ooookkkkk, ok ok ok... ok its done" which W found quite funny to listen to.We were put into a birth room which was nice and big at around 1am, OFFICIALLY May 11th 2012! I was still about 4cam dilated at this point and my new best friend with the epidural was on his way to making me the happiest mommy-to-be. As he did his business in my back I had 3 more rough contractions that were more intense than the last, in part because I had to stay super still (or go paralized thanks to mr. man putting needles in my back).
It was 2am and I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I was 7-8cm dilated, had a completely numb right leg and a mostly numb left leg and some serious numb bum tingly action happening. At 5:45am I am fully dilated and ready to push this baby out! Time to wait for the "urge-to-poo/ pressure-down-there" contractions and giver! I push every contraction, three pushes for 10 seconds each (I felt no pain and the pushing was great!) and am told that I have two hours to push this monster out before they need to use a vacuum/forceps. As I push I'm told that little bean has his face side ways instead of down (the easiest way to push out a human head is when it's faced down) so I lay on my left, then my right, then on all fours until he's finally ready.
Shit got real. fast. W watched as a little head and body came into the world exactly at 7am on that Friday morning (May 11th 2012), and he was placed on my chest. I'd love to say that I was in tears and so was W... but I think I was in such shock as to how easy and painless the whole thing was that all I could say was "Hello little man, I'm your momma and here's your daddy". The nurse took him away to get cleaned and measured so W took pictures, it wasn't until I saw W holding him in the rocking chair that I burst into tears. His first moment being a Daddy and I could see the tears in his eyes. What an amazing thing to experience right? Haidan weighed in exactly at 7pounds and 48cm long (about 19 inches) and being the goof that I am I said to the nurse "WOW that was great! I could do that again!" It was appropriately a beautiful sunny day, to welcome the newest member of our family 9 days early.
We had a lovely visit from Grandma Hylarides while I got to have a warm shower, then learned the tricks of breastfeeding for the first time (the start of a long haul down the breastfeeding road). We were moved into a recovery room (which was a shared room with another new mommy) and it was a lot smaller than I expected. The woman we shared a room with had just had her 3rd child via c-section and her baby cried (ie screamed) every 2 hours... all night long. Let me just leave that story at: she was a loud baby while Haidan slept the whole time, she had 100 visitors that were loud and intruding, and I was NOT impressed with her at all.
That Friday W learned how to bathe, change and taco wrap Haidan. I video taped his first bath of course, we saw the on site paediatrician who gave us some information about little Haidans balls that hadn't dropped (we have 6-8 months for them to drop and then we have to worry if they haven't arrived) and changed his diaper again. This time he pooped mid-change and peed in his eye and all over his nice clean little body, that was a fun little accident!
That night W went home to deal with our furr child Bossy and Haidan and I set in for our first night together, I didn't know how I could possibly sleep with such a new and exciting little human being in my care. I called for help a few times in the night for some help breastfeeding and was shown different positions each time. I couldn't allow my little wonder child to sleep in the plastic tupperware container they put in the recovery room so I spent the night sleeping with him on a pillow beside me (probably not recommended but tooo darn bad!).
Saturday morning I got a little wake up call (not in the literal sense) by the morning nurse that came to check when Haidan fed and was changed last... I forgot to change his diaper in the night and said "Oh I guess we forgot" (not even noticing that I said "we") and the nurse said "OH honey there is no "we" this is YOUR responsibility now, YOU are in charge and have to make sure you do these things"... OOPS that'll be the last time I ever forget to change a diaper in the middle of the night!
By lunch time the nurse had given us the A-OK for us to leave, so we had a few discharge papers and Haidan had a hearing test to take and we were out of that hospital and home by 4pm. Saturday May 12th was my mom's birthday so we celebrated with a home made meal from W's mom... a love dinner with new parents and newest grandma's!
This is where I'll stop because it's taken me FAR too long to write and finish this story off, next time I get a chance I will be writing about my experiences with a new born, breastfeeding, the things they don't tell you about labor (from my point of view), and all things parent-hood that I TOTALLY didn't expect out of myself or W either!
Thanks for reading and waiting ever so patiently!
xo
Thursday, May 10, 2012
The start of my birth story?!
This might be super early BUT all week I've been saying "oh yeah only two more weeks left! But no no noo I don't feel any different, so I think this little fella will be late". That being said I had my 38 week 4 day doctors appointment today and he checked my cooter out and said "Oh yeah you're about 2cm dilated" and proceeded to poke around (quite harshly I might add.. that took me for surprise that's for sure!) and said he expects me to be earlier than my due date and would be surprised if I made it to my next appointment (next Thursday). SAAYYY WHAAAAAAT? My goodness man, clearly he has no filter because he certainly did jab around down there! With my INSANE lower back pain that has been crippling me this past week, and him jabbing around, I was left extremely sore. Now docs always say after an internal exam that there might be some bleeding, but by the time I got the Ikea boxes (for extra diaper storage) and some super maxi pads and a waterproof sheet from Walmart... I was leaking some blood and since 1:30pm today have been also leaking some fluid. No gushes of anything, but definite cramping and leakage of sorts... TMI right? TOO BAD YOU ALREADY READ IT :D
I figured I should start writing about what I've been feeling since this might be the last actual peaceful time I have in the next few days. I wanted to give a shout out to the ladies at the La Leche League meetings that I attended on Monday and Tuesday this week, because if it weren't for them and their open-ness to sharing amazing advice I would probably be SO much more scared than I am now. I also got the chance to see some UBER adorable babies that were like 4 and 5 weeks old... they were soo precious!
Here goes the start of what might be my labour story:
At about 1:30pm I started feeling some cramping that felt like period cramps, that I've had before but it always ended up being that I had to pee or... well number 2. I went to the bathroom and saw that I had leaked a bit of fluid and blood and got nervous. So what every nervous girl does, I called my mom and explained everything to her, she said keep watching the undies and the clock for when the cramps came. I figured to pass the time I would watch criminal minds, and sew some pants and Wayne's shorts that needed to be repaired. Then I rested, attempted to nap but the cramps weren't letting me fall deep enough asleep to feel good. Ellen was next on tv so I wrote her an email and watched Nicki Minaj with her ta-ta-titties out on tv! My mom requested that I measure my belly and boobs (for a bet that we had at Christmas, and for my "before" and "after" measurements) so I snapped a photo, not good ones but here they are...
And this one is yesterday's try on of the maternity romper that I bought... SO much tighter than I anticipated, good thing this babe will be here any day and soon I will look like a normal lady wearing it! What do we think? Flowered romper? Yes yes?
It's now 5pm and I have for-sure-there cramps, but not close enough for me to time or watch the clock religiously so I'm just hanging out! It's too bad that the lower back pain is SO intense that I can't hardly walk, because I'd love to be out in the cool wind right about now. Not to mention that the dishwasher needs to be emptied, but that much bending and lifting is out of the question and just not worth it... sorry Wayne it's on you now pal :) I don't think that is even a TAD out of the ordinary for me to be suddenly worried about all the things I need to do/get done before the baby arrives. shit eh... well what can ya do!?
My story shall continue as it gets more exciting, keep posted friends :)
I figured I should start writing about what I've been feeling since this might be the last actual peaceful time I have in the next few days. I wanted to give a shout out to the ladies at the La Leche League meetings that I attended on Monday and Tuesday this week, because if it weren't for them and their open-ness to sharing amazing advice I would probably be SO much more scared than I am now. I also got the chance to see some UBER adorable babies that were like 4 and 5 weeks old... they were soo precious!
Here goes the start of what might be my labour story:
At about 1:30pm I started feeling some cramping that felt like period cramps, that I've had before but it always ended up being that I had to pee or... well number 2. I went to the bathroom and saw that I had leaked a bit of fluid and blood and got nervous. So what every nervous girl does, I called my mom and explained everything to her, she said keep watching the undies and the clock for when the cramps came. I figured to pass the time I would watch criminal minds, and sew some pants and Wayne's shorts that needed to be repaired. Then I rested, attempted to nap but the cramps weren't letting me fall deep enough asleep to feel good. Ellen was next on tv so I wrote her an email and watched Nicki Minaj with her ta-ta-titties out on tv! My mom requested that I measure my belly and boobs (for a bet that we had at Christmas, and for my "before" and "after" measurements) so I snapped a photo, not good ones but here they are...
And this one is yesterday's try on of the maternity romper that I bought... SO much tighter than I anticipated, good thing this babe will be here any day and soon I will look like a normal lady wearing it! What do we think? Flowered romper? Yes yes?
It's now 5pm and I have for-sure-there cramps, but not close enough for me to time or watch the clock religiously so I'm just hanging out! It's too bad that the lower back pain is SO intense that I can't hardly walk, because I'd love to be out in the cool wind right about now. Not to mention that the dishwasher needs to be emptied, but that much bending and lifting is out of the question and just not worth it... sorry Wayne it's on you now pal :) I don't think that is even a TAD out of the ordinary for me to be suddenly worried about all the things I need to do/get done before the baby arrives. shit eh... well what can ya do!?
My story shall continue as it gets more exciting, keep posted friends :)
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