Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Body Image...dun dun duunnn

A woman's body is one really amazing thing. Weather it be big or small, short or tall, all (or most) of these amazing bodies can make a human being from scratch. Bones, eyes, lungs, brains, skin, finger nails, HAIR?! All from something in our body, how freakin cool is that?
I give my body credit for making one super-cute-adorable-squishy-delicious baby, but a girl can want more right? When I found out I was pregnant I also found out that I was 10lbs heavier than I've ever been in my life... then I gained 40lbs. HA... great right? So that's 50lbs that I would like to loose... good friggin luck kid, goooood luck! Here are some pictures from how my big ol body has changed since having Haidan...

The DAY I had Haidan babe... big, ol, belly!

The day I got home from the hospital. Thats a good 25 weeks pregnant belly haha and it was jelly. Gross jelly
Getting smaller? Or my imagination...
These make me cringe... I can't believe I'm posting them, but I want y'all to know what it's like.
All those horizontal striped things I got that were super cute as pregnant clothes... not so much when you want to look thinner haha.
Wrapped up, but smaller!
On the way to the gym, waay smaller but also sucked in by luxtreme luon haha
Me most recently. You can't see the millions of stretch marks that I got AFTER giving birth. Stupid right? It's gross and looks like a big ol tiger attacked me, it sucks but I'm trying to learn to accept it and move on. Easier said than done.

I think the hardest part about body image post pregnancy is that if I had gained weight from eating too many delicious treats, I would say "Ok fatty let's get our big butt to the gym NOW!" but with a newborn baby and seemingly no time on your hands it's hard to actually get to the gym (weather it be in your building or not).(I'm 24 gosh-darnit, I'm not ready to let myself go!!!) It's been pretty hard for me to accept that it's ok that I don't go to the gym every day, and that when I do get to go I need to make the best of it and kick ass (mine). I wish I could say the pounds just melted off with breastfeeding, but I think that because my body is producing hormones to fatten this baby up, that maybe I'm not droppin the lbs as quickly. Does that mean I will stop breastfeeding? No, because then I would feel SUPER selfish. Am I happy with how my body looks? No, but that will take time and the more pressure I put on myself the less gets done. That being said I try my darndest to stay positive but it's hard, I've never felt so incredibly gross in my own skin and I'm funny because I don't care about what other people think, but I care what I think other people think... does that even make sense? NO!
I have accepted that I won't be wearing a bathing suit in public, that I need to workout as much as motherly possible (because being a mother and being a human is DIFFERENT I sware!), and that it will take time. Time damnit, it sucks!
I will say, I have bought my first pair of "goal" jeans. They're size 11 from Bluenotes (the teenie-bopper store that I love) and I would like to fit into them by fall. They're super cute and I'm excited for the day I can get them past my knees! HA I also measured myself July 1st and intend to measure on the first of every month to compare the differences instead of using the ol scale... Wish me luck.

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