**I want to start with saying that I value my friends. This is NOT with an intention to hurt anyone's feelings or to have a pitty party. I am simply stating my feelings on a subject that has come up for me this morning.**
Watching Katie Couric this morning her topic was friends, she interviewed women who met online, women that had been friends for 50+ years and even her own best friend. It made me think about the friends I have and the people I consider my friends as of recently and an interesting conversation I had with a mom-friend of mine on Monday. I posted on instagram my instant feelings (haha get it? insta feelings) and decided that I have been away from my lovely blog for too long. Sorry Haidan but for the next 10 minutes you are playing alone!
I have a huge variety of people in my life that I consider friends. I have friends that I've known since public school as early as grade two, I have friends that I've know since high school, I had friends that I met in college (but they are few and far between because I was more concerned with my boyfriend at the time... dumb decision... oh well), I have friends that I've only known for the last three years (that are W's friends and I am lucky to be in their "group") and I have friends that I've worked with, friends that I have made through mom club, friends that I've met in the library.
SO MANY FRIENDS! How lucky am I right? Totally lucky, except when I think of who I actually talk to and feel close with. I ran into a friend that I used to work with the other day and she said something that sparked in my head "I haven't seen you in almost a year, but I see all your postings on Instagram and Facebook so I feel like I totally know what's going on in your life". WHAT!? It's true. There are so many of my friends out there that I don't talk to every day, or even once a week, or even once a MONTH!
WHY? Why am I letting my friends miss out on my exciting life (or at least I think it's exciting, mainly only the Haidan part... but still). Why am I letting "I'm too busy... I've got a lot going on... I've got no time" be an excuse? You have no time to be my friend? Are we really that great of friends anyways?
I might be thinking to far into this but maybe I cling onto my "friends" for so long instead of letting them go because I'm an only child? I can honestly say that for almost every single person I call a friend, I would do ANYTHING for, give them anything I have to help make their life easier, celebrate moments in their life when I am invited to, help them in any way I can... but when it comes to exciting times in my life (Haidan's birth, my wedding etc.) I feel like it goes unnoticed or unacknowledged which makes me feel so unimportant. I often find myself saying to my mom (which totally makes me feel like a loser when I say it haha) "Mom, I try SO hard to do everything I can for _____, I call on their birthday, I buy gifts, I give them time, I go to their house instead of asking for them to come to mine, I do this I do that but they still just seem so busy. And when we do finally get together it feels like nothings changed and I love that, but why does it take SO much effort and work just to get together for an hour or two?" I know life takes effort and not everything is going to come easily, I'm not expecting it to. Maybe I'm delusional and maybe I'm the one that isn't making the friendship work?
People change. I have changed. Maybe instead of wishing and trying to make a friendship work, I need to learn to accept the friendships that have fizzled away? Maybe I need to be cherishing the friends I DO have in my life instead of trying so hard with the ones that aren't? This seems so negative but I don't mean it to be. I am learning to "LET GO". Let go of worries and things I cannot control. Maybe some friendships have an expiry date and I need to accept that we both have grown apart.
Forgive, for they know not what they do.